You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
