im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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