I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
