They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
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