do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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