She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
