2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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