saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
