i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Randomize
