apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
You ate ashes out of my bong
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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