it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
