im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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