i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Randomize
