He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
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