i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
this hospital has no fireball
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
