sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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