$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Randomize
