So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
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