Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
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