you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
COCAINE IS GR8
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
