I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
