Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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