so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
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