Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
