Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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