saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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