Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
