Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Randomize
