yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Randomize
