Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
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