Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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