i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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