It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
