Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
