I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
