Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
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