i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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