He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
