I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
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