So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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