i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
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