I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
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