If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
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