you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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