I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Randomize
