I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
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