Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize