There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
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