think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
