I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
