Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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