You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
