You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
