ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
