Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
