This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
