This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
