What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
