I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
