Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
