I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
