I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
