Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize