There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Randomize
