I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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