Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
